At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
