I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
