what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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