ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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