I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
