New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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