The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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