Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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