I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
