Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
