So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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