By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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