Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
