After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize