Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
