The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
