he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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