so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
