I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
