And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
