I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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