the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
