just come out here and I will go home with you...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
