Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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