A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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