rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
