I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
