The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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