Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You made out with two different species that night
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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