Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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