Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
