There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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