i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
