well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
