You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
