Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Go christen that room with your naked body.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
