my vag is so smooth its legendary
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
