just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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