yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
