Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
