you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it was like having sex with a tree stump
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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