So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize