There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
being pregnant is like rehab
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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