The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
