eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
