Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
