This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
