it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
