Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
