Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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