i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
