I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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