The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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