yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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