I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
