Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize