There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
