I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
