Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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