the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize