So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
