sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
