I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
