PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
