Jerry, you need to find god
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
