i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
