If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
