Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
worst night to have a conscience
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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