At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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