OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
