Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
