Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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