Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
