I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
