oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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