I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i came on her dog
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
