I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
