you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
