if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
