:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
