and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
