dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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