I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
