you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
