So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
