I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Rumble strips road head = magical
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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