Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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