Already got asked if we're dating
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
