Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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