Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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