Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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