she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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