It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize