windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm passing your future prison.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
