Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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