Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
