I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
