and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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