So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
